How to Prepare a Terrible Pitch (And Be a Horrible Human Being): Part 1 of 2

Was doing research on how to pitch a new idea (for work, not how I spend my free time.) Stumbled upon this wikiHow: “How to Deliver a Good Sales Pitch.” Guess you could say the images caught my fancy. So here is my take on its antithesis (p.s. this is a fun way to exercise your creativity, especially with regards to imagining characters.) Enjoy.

PREPARING THE PITCH WITH COWORKERS

Pretend to be researching for the pitch. Have someone else do the real work. Lie your way out of some meetings. Forget the rest.

Listen to your coworkers’ ideas. And steal all the credit. (2)Ignore your coworkers’ stories. Tell plenty of your own.Brag about how big an asshole you are.Live your assholery. Abuse your coworkers.Abuse strangers.Where abuse fails, threaten.Take lots of bathroom breaks.Despite your behavior, brag about how much more money you make.And, god forbid youMomentary regret happens to us all.

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